"I had an epiphany of sorts this week! I struggle with low self-confidence and negative self-talk. Most people don't know this unless they are close friends or family. It's been a major issue for me for pretty much my whole life. I'm always reading articles about gaining confidence and overcoming fear.
---BTW, great acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real. *nods*
Anyway, this week, I decided that I should designate an item as my "MP" or Magic Points item. I chose something I don't normally wear but could wear daily, and told myself --indubitably-- that it is my MP boost item. I chose a silly gargoyle necklace. (It's similar to this one, but with an iridescent marble.) It has its tongue sticking out, so I think of it as sticking its tongue out at cultural/societal norms that I feel keep me in a box that I don't need.
When I put the necklace on, I imagine that it "boosts my Confidence MP." The trick really is just to believe it, but so far, it's really helping! Much more effective than talking to a mirror or chanting mantras with my eyes closed, which I can't seem to take seriously."
The pendant did help! I wore it for several weeks until I felt I didn't need to wear it anymore and I hung it beside a window. I didn't realize I would need it again today!
I had also forgotten about that "post-in-the-works" until today, when I was feeling down and looking for answers...
Spring arrived, which reawakened my creativity, and I was creating again. Yay! However, Mother Nature is a fickle queen, and she does not like to be predictable! So, She gave us some more snow, and my creative energies waned, along with my confidence in my abilities (and self in general).
Having forgotten about the "MP" of the pendant, today I was searching YouTube for videos about self-confidence. After all the useful knowledge I've gained, I still don't believe in my abilities most of the time! Time to seek more knowledge.
I did find some great videos on self-confidence, and I felt less lonely while watching videos of people who seemed to be talking with me. (Thank you to everyone who has shared videos about self-confidence on YouTube!)
The first one I watched was this one:
I was really impressed with this one:
Here's the link to this site: actualized.org. (I know I want to see and read more!)
Overall, today I learned that self-confidence = experience + self-approval. External praise or critiques affect it, but do not rely on it! It is SELF-confidence! If you want to be confident about something, practice! Repetition = experience, which results in confidence. Sure, it can be about "tricking my brain," but I would rather gain skills and feel good about the truth.
What do you think? Does this information help you or does it sound ridiculous to you?
I know it will take time-- lots of time-- to overcome the things I am anxious about... But today is the best day to start working on it. Let's make lists of the things that we want to be confident about and research information about it and learn how to make it happen.
Off the top of my head, I know that I want to learn to play a ukulele. Is this an attainable goal? Yeah! I am almost certain I can do it. However, overcoming social anxiety is a bigger goal, and I just have to practice, just like I will be doing with the ukulele. Instead of catastrophizing my fears, I'm going to work on equating them with other things that I cannot do well yet. It's worth a try!
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