Self-Confidence, Personal Energies, and Other Useful Free Stuff

I've been taking a free online course, about building self-confidence, through a public library in my area. I'm really enjoying it! Lesson 5 in particular really taught me a lot. This is what I shared with my instructor this week:

I have always believed that emotions are energy and have wanted to learn how to sense and feel energies. Friends of mine have been able to hold various stones in their hands and remark about how the stones' energies feel. Not only did this week's assignment reading help me experience this for the first time, but I realized that I sense and feel energies all the time. I pick up on people's energy so much that it affects me strongly and I feel a need to get away to "regroup." Sometimes I meditate. Now I know why this is so helpful to me.

I also learned that my energy aura is very tight and guarded, and I need to practice releasing negativity and expanding my personal energy in a positive way. This week's exercise showed me that visualizing sending positive light energy outward is actually really simple and helpful. My chest doesn't feel so tight and I feel less afraid. I feel like I replaced the "stale" energy of my room with optimism and love.

Usually, when I go to the grocery store, my gaze is met with stern expressions even if I smile at them. Previously, I have felt confused by this, wondering if everyone has had a bad day (or they just don't like to smile). This week, when I went shopping, I meditated beforehand and purposely sent compassionate energy to each person I saw. Many people smiled back at me. I learned that I was sharing a false smile before, so the energy being sent out wasn't right. This has been a really eye-opening experience.


One great article link in the lesson was this one: mindtools.com/selfconf.html

The second article link surprised me (in a good way). Not only did it teach me to do something I have always wanted to be able to do, it came from a Wiccan website. How open-minded of them! :) thedance.com/wicca101/enbasics.htm

After this class, I plan to take Sewing 101, because I know there are obvious basics that are eluding me and holding me back from making tiny Monster High outfits! ;)

Your local library might give you access to free online courses, too. The ones I am taking are through confidence.onlineclasses.com. (My library also gives free access to Rosetta Stone, Overdrive and Hoopla Digital.) I highly recommend looking into it! :)

Trying Too Hard?

Have you seen a video or picture that you couldn't help but chuckle at because the person in it was "trying too hard?" When we "try too hard," we go overboard and often ruin the original goal we intended. In some situations, this can be funny. In others, it's like banging your head against the wall.

My struggle, for instance, is trying to create. I want to be artistic and make things and bring people happiness. I keep berating myself for not producing more (and better) results. If I don't make something "perfectly" by my standards, I feel like I have failed.

The funny thing is, I would never have this thought process with other people. I am generally open and loving when other people create things. Even simple stick figure drawings and a few items glued together get high praise from me for the person making the effort to be creative. Why am I not so understanding and loving when it comes to my self? This is the riddle I'm trying to unravel.

If you're like me in this regard, it's like we're staring hard at a blank canvas, trying to WILL a masterpiece to appear rather than just grabbing brushes and paint and having fun... We're putting so much pressure on ourselves to perform that we're not allowing the natural flow of creativity to happen.

I'm starting to notice that the more I stay off the internet, the more my creativity energizes. Seeing all the hateful/negative comments on YouTube and social media makes me horrified to create something of my own and share it. If the internet "trolls" only understood the depth of hurt that they create in the creative world. Not all of us are so callous and courageous. 

So, we have to create DESPITE the potential rude remarks. We have to make things because we want to, because we love them, because other people are likely to love them, too. We have to remember that if even just one personn is touched or inspired by what we create, it is enough. We have made a difference by lifting their spirit, even if it's only for a moment.

Years after uncaring or pedantic comments are made, the contributors will likely never remember them. Why should we? Why should we hang on to the hurtful remarks when their intentions are hollow? We have to forget about "what people might say" and focus on feeling good about using our personal talents to bring something special to the world.

If you simply can't seem to create, take time out to seek artists you appreciate and tell them. Praise them. Sow some good will and see if it inspires you. You might be the only person who gives them kind, thoughtful, useful feedback that inspires them to keep doing what they're doing.

Then, when you're ready, look at the things that inspire you and ask yourself what you love about them. Ask yourself what you want to create for the world. Then, pick up your paintbrush or pen or instrument or tool and experiment. Don't give yourself a solid objective (yet). Schedule some offline time. Just play. See what happens. :)

Is Self-Confidence Attainable for You?

On December 12, 2014, I intended to share a blog post about an idea that had helped me. Here is how I started it:

"I had an epiphany of sorts this week! I struggle with low self-confidence and negative self-talk. Most people don't know this unless they are close friends or family. It's been a major issue for me for pretty much my whole life. I'm always reading articles about gaining confidence and overcoming fear. 

---BTW, great acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real. *nods*  

Anyway, this week, I decided that I should designate an item as my "MP" or Magic Points item. I chose something I don't normally wear but could wear daily, and told myself --indubitably-- that it is my MP boost item. I chose a silly gargoyle necklace. (It's similar to this one, but with an iridescent marble.) It has its tongue sticking out, so I think of it as sticking its tongue out at cultural/societal norms that I feel keep me in a box that I don't need. 

When I put the necklace on, I imagine that it "boosts my Confidence MP." The trick really is just to believe it, but so far, it's really helping! Much more effective than talking to a mirror or chanting mantras with my eyes closed, which I can't seem to take seriously."

The pendant did help! I wore it for several weeks until I felt I didn't need to wear it anymore and I hung it beside a window. I didn't realize I would need it again today!

I had also forgotten about that "post-in-the-works" until today, when I was feeling down and looking for answers...

Spring arrived, which reawakened my creativity, and I was creating again. Yay! However, Mother Nature is a fickle queen, and she does not like to be predictable! So, She gave us some more snow, and my creative energies waned, along with my confidence in my abilities (and self in general).

Having forgotten about the "MP" of the pendant, today I was searching YouTube for videos about self-confidence. After all the useful knowledge I've gained, I still don't believe in my abilities most of the time! Time to seek more knowledge.

I did find some great videos on self-confidence, and I felt less lonely while watching videos of people who seemed to be talking with me. (Thank you to everyone who has shared videos about self-confidence on YouTube!)

The first one I watched was this one:

I was really impressed with this one:

Here's the link to this site: actualized.org. (I know I want to see and read more!)

Overall, today I learned that self-confidence = experience + self-approval. External praise or critiques affect it, but do not rely on it! It is SELF-confidence! If you want to be confident about something, practice! Repetition = experience, which results in confidence. Sure, it can be about "tricking my brain," but I would rather gain skills and feel good about the truth.

What do you think? Does this information help you or does it sound ridiculous to you?

I know it will take time-- lots of time-- to overcome the things I am anxious about... But today is the best day to start working on it. Let's make lists of the things that we want to be confident about and research information about it and learn how to make it happen.

Off the top of my head, I know that I want to learn to play a ukulele. Is this an attainable goal? Yeah! I am almost certain I can do it. However, overcoming social anxiety is a bigger goal, and I just have to practice, just like I will be doing with the ukulele. Instead of catastrophizing my fears, I'm going to work on equating them with other things that I cannot do well yet. It's worth a try!

Quiz: How Do You Deal With Difficult Emotions?

Today I took a quiz at Lifescript entitled "How Do You Deal with Difficult Emotions?" It was actually quite interesting. After answering each question, it shows the percentage of how many people chose each response. I found this surprisingly comforting, knowing that either a majority of people answered the same way that I did or that the answers were distributed evenly.

At the end of the quiz, it shows the accumulated result and shares tips on how to improve how you deal with difficult emotions. It also invites you to compare your results with others who have taken the test.

Here is my result:

I think this is a potentially helpful quiz for how short it is. If you'd like to take it as well, follow this link: http://www.lifescript.com/quizzes/personality/how_do_you_deal_with_difficult_emotions.aspx

Do You Think Horrible Things About Yourself?

My mother recently gave me the gift of a book called "Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself" by Anneli Rufus (© 2014.).

Usually, I am a fairly slow reader, but I went through this book in a few short days. It was relevant. I loved it. It was easy to understand and relate. Best of all, I learned some useful perspectives and have been doing fabulously at not thinking mean thoughts about myself. :D

• Self-loathing is selfish. Rather than waste time battling with counterproductive thoughts, do something silly! Get on all fours and roar like a lion!
  
• I'd never say the things my brain says to me to anyone else. Never! What would I do if someone did say things like that to someone I love? How would I protect/defend/heal them? Time to do that for myself!
  
• I pride myself on being honest, but I actually lied to myself all the time! Those hateful thoughts are exaggerated lies and I know it. Time to be honest with myself, too!
  
• The Golden Rule. What a great philosophy! I treat others well, but hurt myself. Ridiculous! Time to "Do unto yourself as you would do to others." It can be the Platinum Rule! ^_^

Now my mom is borrowing the book, and my sister after her. If you silently self-bash yourself on a regular basis, I would like to recommend reading this book... or at least practice the main lessons I learned that I shared here. Stop holding yourself back from your true potentials! Let's move forward free from shame (as much as we can) and create amazing things! *~.*~( /^_^)/*~.*\(^_^\ )~.*~.*

When Nice isn't always Good

Recently, I learned something interesting that I wanted to share with you.

By nature, I am non-competitive and never mind losing games because I love to see other people win. For me, playing games with someone is fun in itself and that is the sole reason that I play. Instinctively, I always consider what I believe is the nicest thing to do in nearly every situation I encounter.

However, after an insightful conversation with my sweetheart and my mother, I learned that the way that I approach games hasn't been nice after all!

My loved ones explained to me that if I purposely do not play my hardest or try to do my best, I am, in essence, "throwing the game" for the other player(s). If I make a move that does not advance myself but instead allows someone else to get ahead, then I am not being fair. Wow! This is true!

My mom explained that if I play a game just to see her win, then it is no fun for her because I was not a competitive player. This has honestly never occurred to me before. My sweetheart helped me realize that a competitive spirit is not "mean" or "aggressive" but instead is healthy and helps inspire others as well. Also, if I simply play for fun, never minding losing, and never playing with the intent to win, this attitude carries through to every aspect of my life.

Gosh! This was an important lesson for me. It made perfect sense and helped me look at challenges and games in a whole new way-- the way everyone should!

Here is a great example of how "letting someone else win" is unfair to them:

What do you think? Is being non-competitive the nice way to be? 

Or do you agree that you should always try your best to make a game as fun and rewarding as possible?