Self-Confidence, Personal Energies, and Other Useful Free Stuff

I've been taking a free online course, about building self-confidence, through a public library in my area. I'm really enjoying it! Lesson 5 in particular really taught me a lot. This is what I shared with my instructor this week:

I have always believed that emotions are energy and have wanted to learn how to sense and feel energies. Friends of mine have been able to hold various stones in their hands and remark about how the stones' energies feel. Not only did this week's assignment reading help me experience this for the first time, but I realized that I sense and feel energies all the time. I pick up on people's energy so much that it affects me strongly and I feel a need to get away to "regroup." Sometimes I meditate. Now I know why this is so helpful to me.

I also learned that my energy aura is very tight and guarded, and I need to practice releasing negativity and expanding my personal energy in a positive way. This week's exercise showed me that visualizing sending positive light energy outward is actually really simple and helpful. My chest doesn't feel so tight and I feel less afraid. I feel like I replaced the "stale" energy of my room with optimism and love.

Usually, when I go to the grocery store, my gaze is met with stern expressions even if I smile at them. Previously, I have felt confused by this, wondering if everyone has had a bad day (or they just don't like to smile). This week, when I went shopping, I meditated beforehand and purposely sent compassionate energy to each person I saw. Many people smiled back at me. I learned that I was sharing a false smile before, so the energy being sent out wasn't right. This has been a really eye-opening experience.


One great article link in the lesson was this one: mindtools.com/selfconf.html

The second article link surprised me (in a good way). Not only did it teach me to do something I have always wanted to be able to do, it came from a Wiccan website. How open-minded of them! :) thedance.com/wicca101/enbasics.htm

After this class, I plan to take Sewing 101, because I know there are obvious basics that are eluding me and holding me back from making tiny Monster High outfits! ;)

Your local library might give you access to free online courses, too. The ones I am taking are through confidence.onlineclasses.com. (My library also gives free access to Rosetta Stone, Overdrive and Hoopla Digital.) I highly recommend looking into it! :)

Trying Too Hard?

Have you seen a video or picture that you couldn't help but chuckle at because the person in it was "trying too hard?" When we "try too hard," we go overboard and often ruin the original goal we intended. In some situations, this can be funny. In others, it's like banging your head against the wall.

My struggle, for instance, is trying to create. I want to be artistic and make things and bring people happiness. I keep berating myself for not producing more (and better) results. If I don't make something "perfectly" by my standards, I feel like I have failed.

The funny thing is, I would never have this thought process with other people. I am generally open and loving when other people create things. Even simple stick figure drawings and a few items glued together get high praise from me for the person making the effort to be creative. Why am I not so understanding and loving when it comes to my self? This is the riddle I'm trying to unravel.

If you're like me in this regard, it's like we're staring hard at a blank canvas, trying to WILL a masterpiece to appear rather than just grabbing brushes and paint and having fun... We're putting so much pressure on ourselves to perform that we're not allowing the natural flow of creativity to happen.

I'm starting to notice that the more I stay off the internet, the more my creativity energizes. Seeing all the hateful/negative comments on YouTube and social media makes me horrified to create something of my own and share it. If the internet "trolls" only understood the depth of hurt that they create in the creative world. Not all of us are so callous and courageous. 

So, we have to create DESPITE the potential rude remarks. We have to make things because we want to, because we love them, because other people are likely to love them, too. We have to remember that if even just one personn is touched or inspired by what we create, it is enough. We have made a difference by lifting their spirit, even if it's only for a moment.

Years after uncaring or pedantic comments are made, the contributors will likely never remember them. Why should we? Why should we hang on to the hurtful remarks when their intentions are hollow? We have to forget about "what people might say" and focus on feeling good about using our personal talents to bring something special to the world.

If you simply can't seem to create, take time out to seek artists you appreciate and tell them. Praise them. Sow some good will and see if it inspires you. You might be the only person who gives them kind, thoughtful, useful feedback that inspires them to keep doing what they're doing.

Then, when you're ready, look at the things that inspire you and ask yourself what you love about them. Ask yourself what you want to create for the world. Then, pick up your paintbrush or pen or instrument or tool and experiment. Don't give yourself a solid objective (yet). Schedule some offline time. Just play. See what happens. :)

Is Self-Confidence Attainable for You?

On December 12, 2014, I intended to share a blog post about an idea that had helped me. Here is how I started it:

"I had an epiphany of sorts this week! I struggle with low self-confidence and negative self-talk. Most people don't know this unless they are close friends or family. It's been a major issue for me for pretty much my whole life. I'm always reading articles about gaining confidence and overcoming fear. 

---BTW, great acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real. *nods*  

Anyway, this week, I decided that I should designate an item as my "MP" or Magic Points item. I chose something I don't normally wear but could wear daily, and told myself --indubitably-- that it is my MP boost item. I chose a silly gargoyle necklace. (It's similar to this one, but with an iridescent marble.) It has its tongue sticking out, so I think of it as sticking its tongue out at cultural/societal norms that I feel keep me in a box that I don't need. 

When I put the necklace on, I imagine that it "boosts my Confidence MP." The trick really is just to believe it, but so far, it's really helping! Much more effective than talking to a mirror or chanting mantras with my eyes closed, which I can't seem to take seriously."

The pendant did help! I wore it for several weeks until I felt I didn't need to wear it anymore and I hung it beside a window. I didn't realize I would need it again today!

I had also forgotten about that "post-in-the-works" until today, when I was feeling down and looking for answers...

Spring arrived, which reawakened my creativity, and I was creating again. Yay! However, Mother Nature is a fickle queen, and she does not like to be predictable! So, She gave us some more snow, and my creative energies waned, along with my confidence in my abilities (and self in general).

Having forgotten about the "MP" of the pendant, today I was searching YouTube for videos about self-confidence. After all the useful knowledge I've gained, I still don't believe in my abilities most of the time! Time to seek more knowledge.

I did find some great videos on self-confidence, and I felt less lonely while watching videos of people who seemed to be talking with me. (Thank you to everyone who has shared videos about self-confidence on YouTube!)

The first one I watched was this one:

I was really impressed with this one:

Here's the link to this site: actualized.org. (I know I want to see and read more!)

Overall, today I learned that self-confidence = experience + self-approval. External praise or critiques affect it, but do not rely on it! It is SELF-confidence! If you want to be confident about something, practice! Repetition = experience, which results in confidence. Sure, it can be about "tricking my brain," but I would rather gain skills and feel good about the truth.

What do you think? Does this information help you or does it sound ridiculous to you?

I know it will take time-- lots of time-- to overcome the things I am anxious about... But today is the best day to start working on it. Let's make lists of the things that we want to be confident about and research information about it and learn how to make it happen.

Off the top of my head, I know that I want to learn to play a ukulele. Is this an attainable goal? Yeah! I am almost certain I can do it. However, overcoming social anxiety is a bigger goal, and I just have to practice, just like I will be doing with the ukulele. Instead of catastrophizing my fears, I'm going to work on equating them with other things that I cannot do well yet. It's worth a try!

Quiz: How Do You Deal With Difficult Emotions?

Today I took a quiz at Lifescript entitled "How Do You Deal with Difficult Emotions?" It was actually quite interesting. After answering each question, it shows the percentage of how many people chose each response. I found this surprisingly comforting, knowing that either a majority of people answered the same way that I did or that the answers were distributed evenly.

At the end of the quiz, it shows the accumulated result and shares tips on how to improve how you deal with difficult emotions. It also invites you to compare your results with others who have taken the test.

Here is my result:

I think this is a potentially helpful quiz for how short it is. If you'd like to take it as well, follow this link: http://www.lifescript.com/quizzes/personality/how_do_you_deal_with_difficult_emotions.aspx

Do You Think Horrible Things About Yourself?

My mother recently gave me the gift of a book called "Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself" by Anneli Rufus (© 2014.).

Usually, I am a fairly slow reader, but I went through this book in a few short days. It was relevant. I loved it. It was easy to understand and relate. Best of all, I learned some useful perspectives and have been doing fabulously at not thinking mean thoughts about myself. :D

• Self-loathing is selfish. Rather than waste time battling with counterproductive thoughts, do something silly! Get on all fours and roar like a lion!
  
• I'd never say the things my brain says to me to anyone else. Never! What would I do if someone did say things like that to someone I love? How would I protect/defend/heal them? Time to do that for myself!
  
• I pride myself on being honest, but I actually lied to myself all the time! Those hateful thoughts are exaggerated lies and I know it. Time to be honest with myself, too!
  
• The Golden Rule. What a great philosophy! I treat others well, but hurt myself. Ridiculous! Time to "Do unto yourself as you would do to others." It can be the Platinum Rule! ^_^

Now my mom is borrowing the book, and my sister after her. If you silently self-bash yourself on a regular basis, I would like to recommend reading this book... or at least practice the main lessons I learned that I shared here. Stop holding yourself back from your true potentials! Let's move forward free from shame (as much as we can) and create amazing things! *~.*~( /^_^)/*~.*\(^_^\ )~.*~.*

When Nice isn't always Good

Recently, I learned something interesting that I wanted to share with you.

By nature, I am non-competitive and never mind losing games because I love to see other people win. For me, playing games with someone is fun in itself and that is the sole reason that I play. Instinctively, I always consider what I believe is the nicest thing to do in nearly every situation I encounter.

However, after an insightful conversation with my sweetheart and my mother, I learned that the way that I approach games hasn't been nice after all!

My loved ones explained to me that if I purposely do not play my hardest or try to do my best, I am, in essence, "throwing the game" for the other player(s). If I make a move that does not advance myself but instead allows someone else to get ahead, then I am not being fair. Wow! This is true!

My mom explained that if I play a game just to see her win, then it is no fun for her because I was not a competitive player. This has honestly never occurred to me before. My sweetheart helped me realize that a competitive spirit is not "mean" or "aggressive" but instead is healthy and helps inspire others as well. Also, if I simply play for fun, never minding losing, and never playing with the intent to win, this attitude carries through to every aspect of my life.

Gosh! This was an important lesson for me. It made perfect sense and helped me look at challenges and games in a whole new way-- the way everyone should!

Here is a great example of how "letting someone else win" is unfair to them:

What do you think? Is being non-competitive the nice way to be? 

Or do you agree that you should always try your best to make a game as fun and rewarding as possible?

Brain Distraction Game: Interlocked

I've been meaning to share a link to this game with my readers for a while now.

Something I have found that helps me calm down when I am emotionally overwhelmed is to do something that requires brainpower and is fun.

A puzzle game that I never tire of is Interlocked. You can turn the view and pull pieces around in an attempt to free up each piece. I'm not sure if this is something that you would enjoy in particular, but if you are feeling overwhelmed with racing thoughts or mental self-bashing, please give it a try. Focus on the puzzle to block out irrational thoughts. Oh, and it's free.
(The music is calming, too.) ^_^

Link to play: Interlocked from Armor Games

Exhilaration or Accutime Watch Instructions - For Your Convenience!

This is completely random, but I have these two watches that I bought from Target that I adore, and it is surprisingly hard to find anything about them online. I noticed that there does not seem to be an easy way to get to the watch instructions online, so I decided to be helpful and write up this post. ^_^

First, a little back story...
If you don't care to hear it, just scroll down. *Wink!*

I take pride in being a nerd. I've never fit in and never tried to follow "popular fashion." I just wear what I like. Why shouldn't we just wear what makes us happy? Anyway, I've always desired a calculator watch. Back in the 80's, they were kind of a luxury item for nerdies. Many, many years later, while at Target, I spotted some sweet dual-color calculator watches on clearance. Huzzah! They don't have a brand name emblazoned across them and only come with a little instruction sheet banded to them. They are more than calculator watches, too! They have world time, a stop watch, memo mode, a scheduler, a currency converter, date countdown, and more. I bought one in sea green and lilac and one in pink and lilac.

They actually come in a variety of colors...

The sea green one I got isn't even shown above.

The painted symbols on the keys tend to wear off over time and the picture on the instructions sheet is tiny, which is why I went searching for images of the watches and learned of their internet scarcity. The only brand names that I saw that might be for these watches are either Xhilaration or Accutime.

On the back of the watches I have, there is engraved information.

The pink one says, "TGXL103PNK." After that, it says, "CHINA MODULE CR2032." (That code is the button cell battery type.) Then it says, "0712 AWC." I thought the letters might suggest "Accutime Watch Corporation," but I wasn't able to connect these watches with that company directly.

On the back of the sea green watch, it says, "TGXL103TEAL." That's not teal to me, but then I'm a color nut. :p Next is the same "CHINA MODULE CR2032" and then "F16813375 10/12 AWC." I find it interesting that the last codes are so different.

A few years after I bought my watches from Target, I saw that Avon came out with some.

(If you click on this image, you should be able to enlarge it.)

This brochure page I scanned seems to have the best clarity on the buttons. So, I super-scanned it for you. ^_^

Okay, now onto the juicy bit that many of you visitors were probably hunting for.

WATCH INSTRUCTIONS

Click on the images for the enlarged view.

Front Side

Back Side

There you go! All the information I have on these fine watches. One last thought: number 11 on the instructions sheet is "Brand/Name Mode." I have yet to figure out how to get to this feature. If anyone understands this step, please leave a comment and share your wisdom. ^_^ Happy calculating!

Adjective Focus

Last night, I felt The Sadness blooming inside of me and I needed to challenge myself to overcome it. I used a coping method that I learned while I was in treatment, which was very effective for the moment, and today I realized that I need to share it with you.

When you describe an object, your brain is searching for suitable adjectives, usually in a non-emotional way. My first instinct is to describe colors, then I go to height and shape. Do not use judgmental descriptions; choose objects that have no sentimentality to you. This technique is most useful when you are traveling or in a place with many objects.
I'll share an example of a car ride home:
"That sign is yellow. That sign is triangular. That light is red. That light post is tall. That building is gray. That car is blue. That car is silver. Those tail lights are red. That curb is yellow."
Just describe things one after another (without overwhelming yourself), breathe deeply, and focus on directing your brain to gather factual knowledge rather than running haphazardly about emotional ideas.

Look at the image below. How many (non-emotional) descriptions can you come up with?

For me, intense sadness often stems from misinterpreted incidents in my mind, so focusing on unrelated facts helps me "lasso" the emotions so that I can calm myself down to reason. Don't worry if people think you're crazy for "zoning out" or listing adjectives randomly. It's only until you can get balanced, and really--Everyone is crazy in their own way. ^_^ I hope that you find this "descriptions technique" useful for you.

ASMR: Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response

I learned about something new tonight, and I had to share it with you. 

ASMR = Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Peek at this: What is ASMR?

From what I understand thus far, it is a pleasurable, calming, tingly feeling you get in your scalp/head/etc. when you listen to certain quiet soothing sounds (or from close personal touching). Some examples are soft whispering, package crinkling, stirring sand, and gentle tinkling of glass. My first reaction to learning about it was a sense of bafflement, but as I watched a few videos on it, it made perfect sense.

I have a Tazo jar filled with acrylic seashells and water that I like to tip up and down to listen to the delicate chiming sounds it makes. I love quiet wind chimes, the sound of rain, the sound of an object sliding smoothly across a flat surface, my sweetheart speaking softly in my ear, and being gently petted (cats have it made!).

Something odd that I really enjoy is watching videos of people completing adorable candy kits from Japan (or other Asian countries, of course). My favorite ones have no talking and show lots of steps to create very detailed candy creations that usually look like mini versions of real foods. I could watch videos of this all day. (I don't, but I could!) As I searched for more information about ASMR, I saw that some people recommended these very same videos. (Ah! I get it!) ^o^ The following video has slower, exaggerated motions to emphasize the sounds made by the packaging and stirring.

What do you think? Did you enjoy watching it or did it bore you or irritate you? If you liked it, you might find that ASMR videos can help you feel calmer when you are feeling anxious. I am happy to have learned of this soothing phenomenon (and am curious about the tingly feeling that can be achieved) and will continue to research more about ASMR.

Do you have certain sounds or sensations that calm you? Leave a comment to share your suggestions! ^_^

Today's technique: The Robot!

Today's activity is for dealing with anxiety and fear while driving!

There are times when I feel really nervous and scared driving. Sometimes it is icy or wet roads or it might be people driving recklessly (or both). My heart races, my muscles tense up, and sometimes I forget to breathe! I needed to come up with some ways to remind myself to calm down and deal with the commute rationally and safely.

One process that I figured out that works for me is The Robot. When I notice myself feeling afraid and tense, I take a deep breath and imagine that I am a robot. As an android, I have no emotions and it is my job to observe others and arrive at my destination intact.

If someone changes lanes suddenly in front of me, I tilt my head and think, "that was an unexpected action for that human to take. They must be running late. They should have planned ahead more wisely. It would be helpful if they made smarter choices in the future." By using this thought pattern, I detach myself emotionally from the shock of what the other person did. 

If someone is following me closely, I think, "the human behind me needs to go faster. It is in my best interest to remain at the speed I am already going. Police officers frown upon speeding. The human behind me may change lanes and go around me when it is safe to do so." By using the word "human" frequently, it helps me keep emotions at bay -- a reminder that robots do not feel (well, most of them anyway. ^_~). Just remember to "become a human again" once you reach your destination.

I hope this technique works for you!


Bonus tip: When someone is driving carelessly/dangerously, instead of getting upset, I take a deep breath and say, "Be safe" to them. They cannot hear me, but I put intention out there, and hope that they will be more careful. (It's a much more effective 2-word combo than some others! Ha!)

New Blog Series: (Da-dada-dah!) How ZoZo deals with Depression & Anxiety!

Old picture of me having a rough day.

Inspired by dear friends of mine who struggle with emotions and situations similar to mine, I decided to start making blog posts that describe activities and ideas that help me.

Some background info: I have always experienced random moments of depression. Most people are shocked when they hear this. They think I am happy-go-lucky because I am always smiling and trying to cheer people up. I am a firm believer in emotions being contagious, so I always try to share positive, encouraging feelings. (Often, helping others can help me feel better, too.)

 It wasn't until I was having suicidal thoughts after a failed relationship (among other things) and finally sought professional help that I was informed that the thoughts and emotions that I had always felt were NOT common. That's right, toots: Feeling miserable for no reason is not something that so-called "normal" people experience.

I was in treatment for several months and was taking medication that, at the time, was a huge help. (I was taking Celexa/Citalopram.) Over time, I started to want to be able to control the intensity of my emotions without needing to take drugs. 

This is what these blog posts will be about. All the quirky and useful things that I do to help keep my brain from being an emo drama queen. (No offense, emo darlings.)

I'm not going to say that I am "cured" or have total control over my emotions. I don't. (Yet.) I also think it would be smart to say that if you are feeling suicidal, you SHOULD seek professional help. I am not an expert or licensed in anything. I'm simply offering advice. 

Depression and anxiety aren't cured overnight. I might always struggle with them, but at least I have an artillery of things to work with to help me win that day's battle and save the princess. :)

I hope you find some of my suggestions useful! 

Let's start with an inspiring video. You might have seen this before, but it's probably been a while, so watch it again! :)